#46: Trans Day of Visibility 2023: Perspectives From Transgender Women

Speaker 1 (00:03):

On this episode of The Natural Plastic Surgeon,

Speaker 2 (00:06):

The way to like, just do anything good in life is to lead with kindness and love, even if like it's something that you don't agree with, like there's no need to be like negative and like trying to like put it down.

Speaker 3 (00:18):

Something that was very helpful to me was a therapist finally telling me that like, cis people don't sit around all day wondering if they're trans. Like, being surrounded by other wonderful, impressive, inspiring trans women being here, I mean around among y'all is like, I don't know, it feels very exciting for the future and very like, special and yeah, it's

Speaker 4 (00:40):

Good to be trans.

Speaker 3 (00:41):

It's

Speaker 5 (00:42):

Cool. Thank you guys for joining us here in the office to celebrate Trans Day visibility, um, as a few of our amazing trans patients, we're really excited to talk with you guys a little bit more about your experience and learn more about how we can be better allies to you, um, because we really do believe that we all have a responsibility to advocate for true inclusion in this day is such a great day to talk about that. So we're really excited to learn from you and get to know a little bit more about you. Um, so we're joined here today with Jacqueline Duality and Cole. Um, Cole, if you wanna kick us off and get us started, just tell us a little bit about your experience being a trans woman. What was it like transitioning through you? How did you know that you were trans?

Speaker 4 (01:23):

Yeah, so hi everyone. My name is Cole. Um, I ha I'm 29 years old. I'll start there. I began my, I would say, I call it like my mental and my physical, um, transition pretty recently in 2020. Um, before that I was struggling to realize who I was. Um, and that's something that I battled with for a very long time in my life. I, growing up had moments where I felt I did not fit in. Um, some of my best friends growing up were my best girlfriends. Never felt like I was like fitting in on the right sports teams. Didn't know why I couldn't have sleepovers with my girlfriends, why I was told I had to go home. Things like that didn't really make sense to me. Um, one of the things now through therapy, cuz I am a advocate for therapy, um, one of the things I've actually explored was in freshman year I asked my mom to create a Halloween costume for me that was half male, half female.

(02:32):

So she cut some boy clothes in half and uh, dressed in half, soaked them down the middle. And I wore that for Halloween that year. In hindsight, I had no idea like what that meant and at that time, um, but now looking back on it and through work with my therapist, I, I can definitely see like, oh, that's a telltale sign maybe. Um, but growing up I didn't really have exposure and I didn't know any trans individuals, so I didn't really know how to assimilate or where to put myself or how to identify. Um, but today very happy in where I am, happy in where this journey's taken me. And just excited to be able to sit here with all of you and share our stories.

Speaker 6 (03:11):

Okay. Um, basically like the same, um, like the same thing she was saying, I didn't really, um, grow up with like a lot of trans representation, but like I've always like be playing on my mom hills or just like curses, like when she's gone, like little stuff like that. So, yeah. Um, I just feel like it's really big nowadays, like for a lot of like the young, younger generation. Like they have like people to look up to it. It wasn't like when, when we were younger, like nineties, early, um, late nineties, it wasn't, you didn't really see too much of trans or anything representation. So it's really, I really like that. I love that actually

Speaker 2 (03:45):

<laugh>, hi, I'm Sadik and um, I can tri down Tobago. I'm 34 and I've always been just like, I'm a girl from the youngest I can remember. And I mean, growing up there it is illegal to be L G B T and stuff, so I still think, fuck, like, I would go out and I was started going out at 15 and I started being myself and dressing how I wanted to and it was pretty crazy. And, but I knew that I was going to move to America and go to college. So at 19 I moved here and yeah, I've just been living my life and <laugh>. I also didn't know what trans was. I didn't know that even existed. I was just like, I'm a girl and I was at a party and someone was like, you can take these pills. The moment that they told me I was like, yes, that is what I want to do.

(04:37):

I was just like, because someone did tell me about it, but they didn't talk about pills. They talked about doing a bunch of surgeries and I was like, at that age, I was like, I don't really wanna do a ton of surgeries. Cause I was like 19. And I then somebody else told me that, they're like, yeah, you do these pills and you'll like get filtered, like all your masculine things, which is go away. And I'm like, go crawl. Sign me up. Like we're pills. Like, so yeah, that was my story. I feel like I've lived a really good life and I'm really happy with where I'm at. I mean, we're in Beverly Hills, like, you know, like real, having great lives, so That's

Speaker 3 (05:14):

True. Yeah. Um, uh, my name's Jacqueline. I'm also 34. I, um, yeah, I don't know. Growing up I, I knew I was different, but like quantifying how that difference, what that difference was was hard. Yeah. Um, you know, so much is like, you learn to pretend at some point. Like, I played sports, I, you know, I was raised very strictly Catholic and religious, and so the idea of being, you know, queer was already, you know, I was, I've been openly queer much longer than I've been openly trans. And that was already like a journey to get to a place where I felt comfortable doing that. And, um, you know, and then you get older and I think duality makes such a good point that like, there wasn't a lot of like representation and examples of this when we were younger. You know, I, I joke that like, when I was a kid, the most like famous trans person was like Tim Curry and Rocky Horn.

(06:13):

That's not a trans person. Yeah. You know? And, um, now obviously that's so much better. Um, but like you, when you can't name what you are, when you can't look out and see like somebody else living and being like, oh, that's the explanation for what this feels. Um, it's so hard. And I think as, uh, you know, you get older and I don't know, you start, at least for me, I, I had a lot of doubts about like, you know, is this, is it worth doing? Is it, it went from being like, I'll do it maybe in the future, maybe in the future. And then being like, is it too late to do it now? Like, did I wait too long and mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, and then I think you start, at least for me, I started taking hormones and coming, you know, um, I came out and then had surgery and all, all of these things and it just becomes so clear that it's never too late.

(07:04):

And like as soon as you start living authentically, I I describe it as like, have you ever seen those videos online where like someone who's colorblind puts on the glasses and they can see color for the first time. Yeah. And they like get overwhelmed by like, oh my God, I didn't know that's what blue looked like. Yeah. Like, that's how finally coming out felt to me was I was like, oh, this, I thought, I thought I knew what being as happy as I could possibly be felt like, but then like once I came out it's like, oh, I was at like a six out of 10 and like, there's all this. And of course the other side of that is like, you can also get sad. Like you get a full range of emotions now. Yeah, yeah. But it's so rewarding to have access to like your full self in that way. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. I don't know, it's like not always easy obviously, but like so worthwhile. Um, yeah.

Speaker 5 (07:52):

Yeah. I feel like a few of you brought up a really great point of how little representation of trans individuals are were when you were growing up. And even still a recent study came out saying that only about 30% of the population knows a trans person personally. So a lot of the information that we get does come from the media or comes from outside store sources instead of individual experiences. So what is something that you guys wish more people knew about trans people or about your community or about your experience? Because so few people really get to interact with a trans person on a day-to-day basis.

Speaker 6 (08:28):

I never even realized that. Like, that there was that, that little, a lot of people,

Speaker 5 (08:33):

It's kind crazy.

Speaker 4 (08:34):

Yeah, I know. I think it's interesting, at least for me at this point, like where I've gotten myself, I have a community of people and I feel like I live in this bubble here in, everyone falls in West Hollywood. So I know my sisters, I know everyone, but I can recall the time where like I didn't have any, any even like, um, like buoy to like tie myself to that even like, seemed familiar. Um, I think like, it sounds so silly, but I just, I always want everyone to know like I'm no different than everyone else. Yeah. Like, I'm literally a human. My I bleed, I cu I bleed like I cry, I have happy moments. I want kids like I'm this, I'm the same as everybody else. Yeah. And as cliche as that sounds, that's the only point I would love to get across.

Speaker 3 (09:25):

No, that's

Speaker 2 (09:26):

Literally what I was gonna say. That we're all different. Like everybody just like in the world, like everybody is different. They have their own things that they like what they love. Yeah. I think that there is just, every trans person is so different from the other one. Like, you know what I mean? Like, and some are, you know, I mean, what is normal? Like I think the world is just feel like it's so many different people and we're exactly a reflection of that. There's no difference. So yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:54):

And I, I also think that 30% number, that's 30% of people realize they know a trans person. I think there are so many trans people out there, one who are living stealth because of safety, two who don't feel safe coming out. And I think that's something that we, I mean, not so much we on this side community wise, but I think we as a culture need to realize that like, when you pass laws against like criminalizing people's lives, like just existing, when you scare monger kids, when you, when you do all of these things, you make it unsafe for these people to come out. And so I think there are so many more trans people out there who are living in secret not, or not even taking the step to come out because they don't feel safe. They don't feel like that's gonna be accepted.

(10:40):

And to be honest, like, you know, we all are out here living. And I think it's like, it is great in so many ways, but like, it's definitely like not all sunshine and lollipops these days to be trans in America. It's scary. Like it's a scary time. And like, I think, you know, it, it is important for the non ci people in our society to like also reckon with their role in that and reckon with like, is that the society you wanna live in? A society that like puts people at risk, that makes people feel unsafe, that like, you know, insights violence against people like us. Like that's a huge problem. And like, I don't know about y'all, but like I have been like beaten up on the street, like I've been attacked. Like I've like, these are real thank you. But like that, I mean, these things aren't too common and it, like, there's a direct line between like the demonization of a group of people and like real world consequences. And I think we need, you know, again, not we, but we as a society need to like reckon with those things if we want them to change. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (11:44):

That's a great segue into another big point that we've been talking about here is that just this year over 200 anti-trans have been introduced in states across the country and a huge portion of those are targeting trans youth and kids. Um, so how has this, I guess, a hyper visibility of trans people as kind of a scapegoat for a lot of issues in our society as well as a complete lack of legal protection for you as a trans person, how does that affect you and the trans community as a whole?

Speaker 3 (12:18):

It's bad. <laugh> <laugh>. Simply what? <laugh>,

Speaker 4 (12:22):

Um, it's terrifying. I think like I, any one of us probably would rather see the opposite, like the pendulum swing the other way and have, um, bills and legislation put in place to protect us. Sure. Um, but it's that, and it's also like in ways I see on like media streams that I watch like the glorification of these bills as well. And just, I mean, it's the perfect segue of it's endangering us as humans. Like quite literally it's the, i I bring up like the idea of like passing because I then feel like if I want to step out into the world, I'm passing not for any other reason at this point, but for safety and to stay protected and like go undercover. Um, and that's terrifying. I think what's even more sad is that anyone who's growing up and going through the hard, like probably the hardest thing in their life to figure out who they are and like determine like what they're going through and feeling inside doesn't have the space to do that.

Speaker 3 (13:27):

I think that's absolutely right. I think, I don't know, I, the idea of, I mean from the other side is like I'm six four, I'm like, I'm never gonna be a fully passable whatever that, you know, that means, and it is a safety thing for so many people. And I think it does create these real, I mean these bills create real danger and not just danger. Yeah. In the fact that like, parents can be arrested for supporting their children, kids getting access to healthcare. Now a lot of these laws are also targeting adult healthcare by making it, you know, insurance can't cover it in that state. Or, um, creating malpractice, uh, loopholes to discourage doctors from giving trans care. Um, drag bands that include trans people existing, you know, these things. I, I split time between Los Angeles and New Orleans and I have to drive between those places cause I have a dog that's too big to fly.

(14:22):

That means I have to spend 15 hours in a car in Texas by myself. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> like that drive, just trying to go to the bathroom on that drive. Yeah. Is a, uh, not swearing is a really, uh, difficult journey and the really scary journey. Um, and these laws, I mean, we are being scapegoated. We are being used as a wedge issue. Um, and the truth is like, trans people don't, we just wanna live, we just want our like, trans day of visibility is great. I like, it's great to have a day where people talk about us, but visibility isn't our problem. Like, we're hyper-visible right now. We need like trans day of like leave us alone trans day of like, let us trans day of like let us live our lives happily trans day of like happily going on a date with somebody we like and like nobody bothers us at the restaurant. Like, that would be great. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (15:16):

So that's one huge thing. And I think overall a lot of the issues that you've touched on feel really overwhelming and it's sometimes like, what can we do about this? Or we don't have control over these things that are happening, but we all, like we said at the top of this, have a responsibility to be an ally, to be an advocate for the trans community. That's the only way change is made. So what are ways that we can be better allies to the trans community? Especially keeping in mind that sometimes that means not even how we interact with a trans person individually. Okay. A lot of people don't and might never interact with a trans person that they know of. You know? So how can we be allies in our daily lives to trans people?

Speaker 2 (16:02):

Well, I think that all these bills and stuff, every, all of it is always leading with hate and just negativity. The way to like just do anything good in life is to lead with kindness and love. And that's just everything that you could ever say that is a source of it. How to live your life and lead with kindness and like, love to someone. So just being all these bills are this energy, like, no, you know what, like pushing against something, being oppressive, suppressive, negative and it's just like, just just be nice, just <laugh> Be loving, be kind. Like, is that so hard? Like, you know, even if like it's something that you don't agree with, like there's no need to be like negative and like trying to like put it down and whatever, you know, just like, just be sweet. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (16:58):

Yeah. I think it's also like, take the time as an ally particularly like take the time to get to know the person behind the label or behind the classification as a transgender person. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> take the time to get to know that person's personality, that person's soul. Because once you start to do that and find common ground with the person, that's where you're gonna get to like the love and like the compassion for a person.

Speaker 3 (17:21):

Yeah. Yeah. I, I think cis people also need to be the ones defending us. Like I think Yeah. The, it's, it's not, on some level our existence is politicized, but like we, you need to, when you see injustice in the world, that doesn't affect you. It's your job to stand up and stand against it. Like, that's it. It, if it's just us standing up, then like, I don't know, we're easy to shut down cuz there aren't that many of us. Like in the grand scheme of things. Yeah. Um, and especially like to be othered so easily, like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I don't know. I, I think, you know, when you see people saying messed up things about trans people, like maybe push back on that a little bit. Maybe don't just say like, oh that's, you know, like really, oh, I don't know, fight against him.

Speaker 4 (18:11):

I don't know where the expression, like if you see something, say something originally comes from <laugh>, but quite literally it's that like if you see an like, injustice happening against a trans person. Yeah. Speak up on our behalf.

Speaker 5 (18:22):

Yeah. So to shift the conversation back a little bit to your individual experiences, how have each of you navigated the experience of transitioning specifically when it comes to the medical field? What was your experience like with insurance and the medical systems and most importantly, how can these systems better serve you and your experience transitioning and then into the future of a lifetime? Being a trans woman

Speaker 2 (18:51):

<laugh>, you're almost universe like with the best answers. Like <laugh> <laugh>, like she's has the best answers so far. No,

Speaker 4 (18:58):

Go go. Take it. Take it

Speaker 2 (19:00):

Go. Sorry, <laugh>.

Speaker 4 (19:01):

Thank you though. Take it. No,

Speaker 2 (19:04):

Um, I mean I'm just like not very versed in like, like insurance and medical stuff, so I can't really say. Okay. I just feel like my experience that I've experienced or myself has been pretty positive. I'm grateful that we do have insurance that can't cover these things. Um, I mean, I guess if more doctors were available to do like, to take insurance, um, yeah. But I mean for me it's been great. I don't know a lot of people's experiences.

Speaker 3 (19:34):

Yeah. I mean I, I think that a big part of it is insurance needs to treat trans healthcare like it's healthcare and not like it's cosmetic surgery. Like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, these are gender affirming care is, it often looks like cosmetic surgery. And I think as a result you have people push back against it being covered for things because they're like, well what, oh, trans women get their breasts covered. Do I get a boob job? And it's like, you know, it's like, it's different. It's just like, it's a different thing. It's these are, this is coverage for a large set of diagnoses that we are, you know, getting treatment for. And that includes hormones and that includes surgeries. And, um, I don't know. It makes a, it makes a huge difference to have trans care treated like healthcare

Speaker 4 (20:19):

<laugh>. Um, I know also I got really frustrated with like the medical insurance, um, people that I spoke with and I felt like there's a lack of education on the like insurance carriers part. Totally. I would like having now like, used insurance for my gender confirmation surgery and like my breast only two. And it felt like it was just such an arduous process. Yes. Trying to find somebody Yeah. Who they're on. Like United UnitedHealthcare is payroll but they can't speak to anything as to like what steps I'm supposed to be taking Yeah. To get authorized for my surgery. Yeah. That was painstaking.

Speaker 2 (20:56):

It shouldn't make it easier. Yeah. It was very, the whole process

Speaker 6 (20:58):

<laugh>, that's literally why just kind of me personally, I skipped it because it was so big. It's like a big runaround honestly. It's very, yeah, it's very like nobody know who's who to send to. Nobody knows. It's like, it's a big thing. So they should have more knowledgeable people. They should have actually a trans department, certain

Speaker 2 (21:17):

Department. I like that.

Speaker 6 (21:18):

Mm-hmm. <affirmative> because it's, it's like, it's very common too.

Speaker 3 (21:21):

Yeah, absolutely. I think it is. Education's such a huge part of it cuz they do give you the runaround. They like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, they, and it's like an insurance problem in a whole bunch of fields. And so certainly I think trans is just one of them, but it does feel like they want you to, they want you to give up, they want you to be like, this is confusing.

Speaker 4 (21:41):

I'm gonna send you over

Speaker 2 (21:42):

Here.

Speaker 3 (21:43):

Yeah. It's like Kafka US journey and then they're like, oh, did you get bored and tired and like confused and now you don't want to Oh, I guess sorry. Like no. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 (21:53):

I honestly thought that too. I was like, are you guys trying for me, not just trying not to pay for my stuff? Yeah. Like, no, I'm gonna make sure I'm doing just Yeah,

Speaker 3 (22:02):

We, sorry, go on. I,

Speaker 2 (22:04):

No. Um,

Speaker 3 (22:05):

Yeah, but like I, we had like our insurance, I'm, I'm part of the Writer's Guild of America and we had fought to get our insurance coverage to cover trans surgeries and that was like a big fight. That was many years of like lobbying and talking to health, uh, like health board of trustees and like all this crazy stuff. And then once you use it gets covered and you're like, yes, like we have this and then you go to use it and it's like, oh, you're just beginning the journey of trying to track down getting this paid for it. It really is kind of a never ending thing.

Speaker 4 (22:37):

Yeah. Because it feels like there's a bunch of loopholes too. Yeah. Even still after like I had my procedure done, I felt like there were things I didn't realize that I had like signed away to. And maybe that's like user error or like operator error. I should've like read the fineing print, but I feel like I did my due diligence and it just again feels like that runaround.

Speaker 3 (22:54):

Yeah. They want you to operate it. <laugh>,

Speaker 5 (22:58):

I really wanna talk a little bit more about how we can really support the trans community and what are, what are some specific ways or what are some resources? How can people learn how to support a trans person or how to be involved or even if they want more infor, if they're questioning their own gender identity, how can they learn more? What are some ways that you guys learned or encourage your community to learn, you know, more about how to support you?

Speaker 2 (23:25):

Um, I think definitely like the internet, there's a lot of information on the internet, whatever you wanna find out, but just type in whatever it is you're trying to, like you're thinking of. And then put trans at the end of it, I dunno, <laugh>. And um, I always do that when I'm looking for like an issue and I'm like trying to resolve it. I'll type in whatever. But Oprah at end of it, <laugh>, she always had like the best uh, information of whatever and what

Speaker 3 (23:51):

Love

Speaker 4 (23:52):

That Oprah.

Speaker 2 (23:53):

So like, yeah, just use the internet as like a tool. And I think that, you know, also reaching out to other, like two trans people or like an L G B T uh center, I think would be a really helpful to, to like learn and support us and stuff and just be nice, remember to be nice

Speaker 4 (24:13):

<laugh>. Um, I can't rattle off any particular resources, but if you are someone that's like questioning things about yourself or, or trying to navigate the world, um, I would, I highly, highly, highly recommend finding a therapist who like has specialized in, uh, gender studies and transgender studies to be able to really help you. Um, my first therapist ever was a transgender male as well, and just the relation, the rapport that was able to be built there and shared experiences helped me like discover those nuances of like that Halloween costume. Um, so I think like therapy is a huge, huge way to like help yourself as well.

Speaker 3 (24:55):

Absolutely. Therapy is such a huge piece of it. I think if you're looking for resources, certainly the L G B T center, uh, in whatever city you're in will be a great local resource if you're questioning your gender. I would just, something that was very helpful to me, uh, was a therapist finally telling me that like, cis people don't sit around all day wondering if they're trans. So if you are sitting around being worried that you are trans, there's something to explore there. Yeah. And I think you owe it to yourself, uh, to find a therapist and to try to explore it. It's not, don't die wondering, like it's never too late, but it's also never too early to start asking the big questions and finding support. Um, because the truth is if you, if you look for it, if you go out, you will find support. There's wonderful communities everywhere. I like you said, like you, you find your families in these places and like wherever that is. Like I have friends that live in every part of this country, whether it's the deep south, whether it's the Midwest, whether it's, there are trans communities in all of these places. Um, and like they're waiting for you to find them if, if you want to. So,

Speaker 4 (26:11):

And therapy is generally covered under medical insurance, I feel like. Yeah,

Speaker 3 (26:15):

It is usually covered,

Speaker 4 (26:17):

But if not, yeah. The LGBT

Speaker 3 (26:18):

Center, but also LGBT center will usually have some kind of therapy or sliding scale or you know, groups. Like it's very, yeah. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,

Speaker 5 (26:26):

One thing I think that has been widely controversial lately, but is maybe the easiest change for the average person to make in their daily life is adjusting the, to the use of pronouns. Why is that important? Pronouns and name changes. Why is that important? Why is that important to you personally? And what should someone do if they accidentally misgender you or call you the wrong name?

Speaker 3 (26:51):

Uh, if, if you've ever been at a place, uh, a work event, something where someone accidentally calls you the wrong name, they think they know you, your name is Sarah and they're like, Samantha, it's so good to see you. Like how awkward that feels. It's like that only if also your entire identity is kind of about it. Like, it's not asking so much to have people just respect who you are. Yeah. When you introduce yourself to somebody, the least they can do is hear who you are. And I mean, it's truly like, it is rude in any other circumstance to not call somebody what they ask you to call them. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. Um, why would it be different for us? And I think people sometimes get into these head spaces about, well that's not, I don't want to and I shouldn't have to, I, I don't know why it matters to anybody. Uh, it's the smallest littlest thing, but it is truly very painful and feels like such a rejection of your whole self. If somebody, my role is like repeated mis like if somebody slips once or twice, that's like, it's annoying and I hate it. But if someone's constantly like, I'm like, don't be a jerk. <laugh> don't.

Speaker 2 (28:08):

Yeah. I mean that's literally something to do with their own self though. Totally. Like, it's like just again, going back to like being kind like leading with love. Like somebody who's like say that they just don't believe in that. They'll just, they'll move around it by not saying it, but it's like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know what I mean? Like you just, you're a negative girl. Like if you

Speaker 4 (28:30):

Want to and like how hard, like what's it gonna do

Speaker 2 (28:32):

To you? It's a word. Yeah. It's really not the world. A lot of world. And I

Speaker 6 (28:36):

Feel like a lot of people with pronouns how smokes like, um, I heard someone say one time, you know, like if someone get married and you have to call them misses or misses live the same thing.

Speaker 3 (28:45):

Oh, that's such a good point.

Speaker 6 (28:47):

Change have like, so a lot of people make point out such a big thing and it's like, ah, it's such an inconvenience for them when it's like it's

Speaker 2 (28:53):

Not

Speaker 6 (28:54):

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, it's literally like

Speaker 3 (28:56):

You're using em all the time anyway. Like you're always, you know,

Speaker 2 (28:59):

Do it.

Speaker 3 (29:00):

Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:01):

I think it's important to, to like for any reason if you're unsure. I mean, how do we feel about like if you were asked

Speaker 2 (29:09):

Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:10):

Like what pronouns would you like? Yeah. What's your pronouns?

Speaker 6 (29:13):

I feel like a couple people do ask that like to be like kind of like, um, shady. Shady.

Speaker 4 (29:21):

I feel like you can tell too, like if it's coming from shader, if it ishmm <affirmative>, if

Speaker 2 (29:24):

It's shady controlled lady and she's really sweet <laugh>, I'll be like, it's okay. Like

Speaker 6 (29:30):

Up.

Speaker 3 (29:30):

Yeah. I think that's real. I think you can tell people's tone. I think someone respectfully were like, oh, I just wanna like make sure I'm using like are, I mean for me it's always frustrating cuz it's like, and this is an inter this is like inside the trans community conflict cuz like there are certain trans people who are like, of course you should always ask pronouns. Yeah. Um, I think a lot of times trans women,

Speaker 6 (29:52):

They feel like you should automatically go away. She,

Speaker 3 (29:54):

Yeah. That's, it does

Speaker 6 (29:55):

Be conflict because some, but some feel like you should ask everyone what their pronoun

Speaker 3 (30:01):

Pronouns. Yeah. Cuz I, I definitely sometimes feel like I'm giving girl, like, I'm wearing a full face of makeup, I'm wearing a short skirt. Like you see what I'm, you see what I'm going <laugh>. You see what I'm going for? Like, you know, I'm trans obviously that's why you're asking, but like, you see what I'm aiming at. But like, um, yeah, I don't, as long as someone's asking respectfully. Yeah. I think that's like a totally fine thing to do. And I think if you misgender someone, it's truly like just roll with it. Just if, if you misgender someone apologize and move on. Don't like beat yourself up hugely. Don't beat don't make a big scene about it. Just like, eh, like own it. Move on. Like Yeah.

Speaker 4 (30:38):

Don't, I do think it's important in cute to take accountability for it. Totally. To not just glaze past it. Absolutely. And take like, say say the sorry. Real quick and keep it pushing.

Speaker 3 (30:49):

Yeah. I think being like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Like, I just acknowledge it. I think that's so true. Yeah. The accountability is such a nice piece of it.

Speaker 4 (30:58):

I think it's a sign of like, respect to us. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:00):

Yeah.

Speaker 5 (31:01):

What is your favorite or the best part about being a trans woman?

Speaker 6 (31:06):

Um, me personally, I honestly, I would say inspiring other trans. Do you have a trans generation? So many people literally message me and hit me up like, oh, you inspired me. I just feel like that's, it's a bigger picture. That's,

Speaker 2 (31:18):

That that's pretty, a really good aspect of it. Um, I think just living, I feel like we've been able to like really be awoken to a different, just seeing society in a different way. And for me at least, I'm like, it really opened me up to like realize that everything's just made up in the world. Like we're just playing a big make believe game. Like we're animals that not to this point. Yeah. Like, and it's like just, I guess like the Matrix or whatever <laugh> <laugh>, like the estradial is like the,

Speaker 4 (31:53):

The blue pill

Speaker 3 (31:55):

Literally.

Speaker 2 (31:55):

Yeah. Um, yeah. I just feel like I've really been able to just see the world just not have myself tied up in the world and be like, oh my God. Like it really isn't, you know, life is just something to enjoy. And I think for myself, it's opened my eyes to that. Yeah. So

Speaker 4 (32:12):

I really love this question cuz like for me it's the authenticity and resiliency I've developed and I feel like other trans individuals that I know have developed. Um, kind of like what you said about, I think we're calling a moment with your therapist. Uh, cis people don't sit around like questioning like if they're trans and overwhelmingly like as trans people, we question so many things about ourselves. And I think like we're on this ever journey of getting to know ourselves better and that's like how we got here. Right? We've done more introspection than I think the average person. And I mean, that's not scientific data, but <laugh> I feel that way and I feel like we wouldn't be here in like this authentic in ourselves if like that weren't the case. So, um, I think just like the journey that we're on to authenticity.

Speaker 3 (32:58):

Yeah, I agree. I think the confidence that comes also from Yeah. It would be easier not to be mm-hmm. <affirmative> like, like it, the world is stacked against us in so many ways and people are, there is so much hate and there is so much like, so many obstacles. And I think the fact that through all of that, there's like never a doubt in my mind that like, like this is who I am. This is like that confidence in yourself that like feeling of like, oh, I'm like this is the place, this is the time, this is who I am. Like that level of like self-assuredness is something that like I didn't know before it, for obvious reasons I didn't know before I transitioned. I didn't feel that. Yeah. Because I was not living authentically. I wasn't, you know, and now to feel that, to feel so confident in your place in the world feels, I don't know, it just, it it, it feels really special and really exciting. And I also think like the community aspect is like being surrounded by other wonderful, impressive, inspiring trans women being here, I mean around among y'all is like, it's just so, I don't know. There's something there. It feels like, I don't know, it feels very exciting for the future and very like, um, special and I don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:18):

Yeah. It's good to be trans.

Speaker 3 (34:19):

It's, it's be trans and

Speaker 5 (34:21):

Seriously you all do the exact same thing for us too. I mean, what a amazing piece of conversation, inspiration and just being yourself and being authentic. And I just want to thank you all so much for you to join us for all. So thankful to all of yours. Is there anything we to touch on That's awesome Was hards?

Speaker 6 (34:37):

Um, personally I feel like the, a lot of the young generation take your time. It's not a race, it's a journey. I feel like a lot of people are just seeing like the glitz and the glam of it and just rushing into it and it's really a journey. Like really make sure that this is what you want. This is, you know, like take your time. It's no rush. Literally.

Speaker 4 (34:55):

It's literally what I would've said. So me too.

Speaker 2 (34:57):

Fun.

Speaker 4 (34:58):

Take your time.

Speaker 2 (34:58):

Encompasses a lot. Um, just know that you're loved and that whatever you want in life, literally whatever you want in life. Like it is a hundred percent achievable if you wanna be the president of America, like it's a hundred percent achievable, just write down whatever is it you want on in like a goal or like a vision award and just have that belief. Even if, cause I always think about the people that I know and that my life, which we all live in LA so it's pretty easy. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, but I'm like thinking of like kids who are like, I mean, I'm not from America so I don't know like we're Kentuckys and stuff, but like what, I've never been to Kentucky, but like places like that, you know, and it's like they're just so isolated. They're not even in an environment. Yeah. Yeah. Like, not even like in a city where anybody's that way. And I just want you to know that it will get better and that you can have whatever you want. Just believe in yourself and don't give up.

Speaker 3 (36:01):

Yeah. I, you know, I'm from Ohio, so not far from Kentucky <laugh>, um, and I was that kid that was in the, you know, the kind of middle of nowhere and you can still live whatever life you wanna live. And I just like, I would encourage any young folks that are questioning their gender to allow themselves to explore it and to not feel shame about exploring it and to, you know, really let yourself get help. Let yourself get therapy. Let yourself, um, let yourself find who you are and whoever that is is okay. And, uh, if it doesn't feel like it's okay now, wherever you are, it, it will get better when you get older. It will get better when you're in a safer place. But like, just, you know, allow yourself to go there at least in your head cuz it's, it's really important to, I don't know, let yourself imagine the, a world where you're happy and, and openly who you are because that world can exist. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

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